The Day I Chose Me

Chapter 1: The Clean-Up That Didn’t Work

After I told him to leave, I tried to clean my life. Not just my home, yes I moved furniture and washed sheets followed by scrubbing the kitchen. I was trying to make a space that didn’t feel like him anymore. It wasn’t about healing yet, I was just trying to breathe for my children.

But he didn’t leave.

Monday, he came back, some excuse about needing something for work. Tuesday, he returned again, this time dropped off by a shady friend he paid cash-in-hand. The same friend who knew about the suspicious car fire just two weeks earlier. That fear sat heavy on my chest, guilt mixing with confusion. Who was he really involved with? And how did I ever get here?

I sent messages:
“You are not welcome here.”
“I don’t want you in my home.”
And still he stayed.

Chapter 2: Hiding and Hearing the Same Lies

That Tuesday, when he came again, I gathered my boys and hid in the back sunroom. I didn’t know what else to do, so I cleaned. My hands busy. My mind foggy. My nerves on fire.

He kept talking to me from the dining room like nothing had happened. Telling me it wasn’t really him, it was the drugs. Telling me he was going to rehab. Telling me he loved me. Telling me we could fix it.

But there was nothing left to fix. I was a woman he had raped, gaslit, and discarded and now he wanted entry into my life again.

Hours passed. I didn’t speak.
Eventually, his friend returned and took him away.

But my strength wasn’t gone, it was building.

Chapter 3: The Message That Changed Everything

Wednesday afternoon message, he messaged again:
“I need to come get something for work.”

That’s when something inside me didn’t break, it shifted.

I messaged back:
“I’m going to the police station.”
And I meant it. Not just as a warning, but as a promise to myself. So I loaded my sons into the car, I didn’t snacks, or toys. I didn’t rehearse what I’d say. I didn’t cry this time. I just drove, two kids in the back seat toward freedom.

For years I had endured:
- Emotional destruction
- Financial manipulation
- Social isolation
- Medical lies
- Mental warfare
For months I was repeatedly rape and assault.

And still, I had stayed.
Until that moment.

Chapter 4: Truth in the Daylight

Thursday morning, two officers stood at my front door.

My kids were inside, watching cartoons.

I walked into the front yard and made a police report, in broad daylight, in public view, with neighbours probably watching from their windows, seeing me crying in the pain and the release of this is finally happening, I’m breaking the cycle.

It wasn’t just about reporting him. It was about choosing me, loud enough that the world heard it and once I spoke it out loud, there was no going back.

That was the day the cycle broke.

Chapter 5: The Mind Games Didn’t End, But I Did

He didn’t disappear after that. He just changed tactics.

- Guilt trips
- Weaponizing my trauma
- Spreading lies
- Telling others I was unstable

But I didn’t fall for it this time.
Because I wasn’t hiding anymore.

Once you scream truth out loud, shame can’t live in your body the same way.

I learned:
He never wanted healing, he wanted access.
Every apology was just a reset button to start the cycle again.

But not anymore.

I Didn’t Break Alone

For so long, I believed God was punishing me, for staying, for loving him, for being weak.

But I was never weak. And God never left me.

The moment I stepped into that station, I felt Him again. That was the breath I couldn’t take alone. That was His push. That was my yes.

Affirmation

“I was not created to be broken. I am allowed to say no. I am allowed to be safe. My life, my body, and my boundaries belong to me and I choose me, out loud.”

Prayer

Lord, help me follow through even when I’m scared.
Give me the strength to walk away, even when I’m shaking.
Hold my hand through the backlash, the rumors, the isolation.
Remind me that I was never meant to carry the weight of abuse in silence.

Let every word I speak from this day forward reflect freedom.
Let every step I take declare that I am no longer theirs, I am Yours.
I choose me. And I trust You to carry me through this storm.

Amen.